he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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