I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
