my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
