She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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