Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
