You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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