He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize