I want to have your abortion
...so i touched it.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
