East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
