I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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