Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
