I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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