It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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