im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We don't watch enough power rangers
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
