Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
