My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
