i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
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I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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