Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
