He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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