my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
