I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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