Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
