Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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