U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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