Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
