i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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