Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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