My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
did you just send me my own nude
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
