Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
