so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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