I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
