So drunk its hurt
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
