he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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