you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
