i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
