I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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