Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
