He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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