My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
