She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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