he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
