Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize