i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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