when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
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