Ketchup is God's man juice
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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