WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
