Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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