I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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