My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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