it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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