Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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