I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
