The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
