girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
