how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my shit smells like andre
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
