Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
