It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
