How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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