I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
