I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
