Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
